Droplet

Just a moment ago, I did not exist

Just a moment ago, I was only a mist;

I belonged to the wind only as a feel to you

Afraid to be, wanting to touch you.

And when I touched you, I felt me condensing

A pain in my soul, which I felt pleasing

Grasping my sense of actuality, this miserly feeling

Doubting my reality, existence of my being

Now I know, I would have been even without you

Now I know, I am here not because of you

I will exist, without you, I do not plea

I will exist even if I meet the sea.

  

                                                                                                -M

You think you know me??!!!!

I have asked this question a million times to most of the people I have met, even they probably haven’t heard it as I didn’t have it in me to ask it out loud.  It was the fear that no one would understand me or even worse the fear that everyone would hate me if they know me that kept asking this question, I guess…

It is the reason why I am scared to be myself in front of everyone. I am terrified of the judgemental stares. The heights of Social Anxiety disorder that I have managed to hide well from others, coz I really don’t wanna be judged…

And thus began my life as the human chameleon… Everyone who met me thinks they know me, they believe we have the same wavelength of thinking… But in fact, it is me who adapting your wavelength of thinking, it is me trying hard to fit into the social stigma around me… And after years of special training to be a chameleon now I

lost my true identity. I have become a fusion of all those I have met.

 Now who am I?? I am you; I am every one of you…

 

At some point of our life we all ask “Do you know me” to someone. Mostly it is because we want a confirmation that someone in this world to know us and to understands us. No matter how much we pretend that we are different and difficult to be understood we all just want someone to know us at the end of the day.

And thus we all turn into someone else without even realising the transition we are going through... Losing our true identity… Becoming a Human Chameleon…

And the day you start to believe in yourself is the day you can truly liberate yourself from such fears… And believing doesn’t comes easy as all this while all we did was to doubt yourself and looking for other’ approval. And the moment we try to be ourselves, all our loved ones turns around us..  As they don’t recognise us anymore… The truth is we don’t recognise us anymore…

And after a life crisis of lost identity and search for the soul and passion finally we define ourselves… Most of the time, this happens in your late stage of life, called as Midlife crisis by many… But if you are lucky enough you would have recognised yourself by now….

 

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

 

Little things that makes you happy

All I ever wanted to be is happy.. All I ever wished to be is happy...

Actually I would like to correct that.. All anyone wants to be is happy... Each has their own different way to be happy.. For some being happy is about eating their favourite food, for some it’s about owning the branded merchandize, for some its cars and for some its bikes, and for some it’s about being with the person they love..

But does doing this makes anyone truly happy??? If so, for how long??!!

When living a busy life one forgets how to be happy.. and knowing the secret to be happy is the biggest achievement.. Everyone just holds on to what we lost and the pain endured in life instead trying to be happy about what we have achieved. Even though it might not be anything significant like owning a BMW but if u start to cherish little things that can make you smile, you will be happy for that day...

One smile at a time, one small moment of happiness at a time, u will step into a sunshine of happiness..

I have always ignored these little things when i was down.. Drown myself in a buck load of negative judgements and hateful thoughts... All I felt at that moment is life is screwing with me again and again... Nothing could make me happy..

"It is in this darkness that I have found all light— somehow become so bright, a shooting star on a stormy night.” - Coco J. Ginger

Unexpectedly, out of nowhere I saw a shooting star that night... I couldn't really believe it was a shooting star, never saw one before other than in movies.. I was sure no one would believe it if i say them, heck I didn't believe it at that time... I tried to convince me it was a small lightening probably.. It made more sense.. After a few minutes I saw another shooting star.. This time I was even more unsure whether I am seeing a real shooting star.. Me going crazy sounded a little more sensible to me..

Another shooting star passed by which left a beautiful shiny trail.... I was dumbstruck, I was sure, I was excited and grinning.. For a moment there I felt like I could be happy.. Coz I have seen something I have never thought is possible... And to my surprise I saw seven shooting stars that night...

May be I was going crazy that night.. But it gave me something I didn’t have before... Hope... A hope to find happiness...

From that day I decided to look for things that make me smile and be happy about it... And it worked... It gave me a sense of peace I have lost before...

Nowadays I don’t have to look for things to make me smile.. Its finding me... Smile of a kid.. dancing in rain.. going crazy with cousins, genuine laughter with friends, being remembered by people who tries to forget me or the ones I am trying to forget.. and most important.. Diary milk.. 

Probably this is real happiness... I just realised it late...

If someone asks me whether I am happy with my life, the answer may be no.. But I am happy today.. And will be everyday as long as I keep finding my little thing that makes me happy...